The amount of thoughts in my brain right now is unprecedented.
A joyous reflection of all the great things that happened in my life. All those great moments.
A sad reflection of all the losses I’ve suffered.
A contemplation on my life decisions.
An angry consideration of all the people who wronged me or were annoying.
A moment of appreciation for the sacrifice of my parents.
And mostly a important mental discussion on who I am.
I’ve come far from my beginnings, and this time I’m talking about tumblr. July 8th 2009, I joined tumblr with a couple of other friends looking for a new place to…actually, I’m not sure. I suppose a new place to talk about feelings and life? My first five posts consist of a picture of me holding a fruit cup, a link to wolframalpha.com, a link to omgpop.com, a text post of me calling the layout of tumblr “pretty cool and sexy”, and a text post asking how to use the chat feature. And from there a blog sprung forth. There was the
planned campaign against Hartz. There were the chat posts (which I finally figured out what the purpose was for) that never were really funny. There were my attempts at analysis of life which failed miserably:
- First day of sophomore year I posted that Ms. Kilcullen had “severely disabled my longing for math” and that Mr. Hendrickson would probably be “my favorite teacher….nuff said”; this post was so far off the mark.
- At one point, I posted about my own theory of Christianity (in which Judas betraying Jesus was a complete mistake).
And finally the ambiguous text posts. Ranging from unnecessary attempts to gain attention, finding no where else to place my hormonal feelings towards girls, desperately attempting to talk to people in blog form and not in real life:
- A blog that literally says “I think at this point it can be considered consensus gentium”
- I’m sorry I can’t be a better consoler
- "That was embarrassing but at the same time epic. I approve."
- "A predictable outcome is only predictable some of the time."
…these and more are part of my tumblr.
I’ve always known that at some point I would delete my tumblr. Sometime between the time everyone joined and almost every post became a photo on my dashboard. I don’t feel like I belong in this community. I’ve halfheartedly tried and I half succeeded.
But as I look at my tumblr and click random post and I review what I’ve used my blog for (in the way I have above), I realize something. [Please no one take this the wrong way] My blog has no niche area of interest that it follows and documents, my blog are not all reblogs of humorous and socially relevant pictures, my blog does not produce any material of benefit for anyone else on tumblr…my tumblr is something more than that: a documentation of my existence. The conversations I thought were funny, the feelings I felt about someone, the attention I wanted from people at a certain moment, the complaints about schoolwork, the contemplation about random issues around the world and close to home.
inthoughtswetrust.tumblr.com has always been and forever will be the url to my blog. “oh children of the world.” has always been and forever will be the title of my blog. From July 8th 2009 to August 26th 2012, this blog is a complete and accurate manifestation of who I am in blog form, a record of my existence.
With that, this is the last post on this blog. It will be kept though so I can continue to reference it as I proceed into the future (and also to keep tabs on friends who will, of course, continue to use this). To the people I follow, thank you for posting great things that I could reblog and comment on. To the people that follow me, I hope my blog posts were enjoyable ones.
-Steven Soo Jong Lee, August 26th 2012.